I was hungry, so I ate a bar of snickers

Even though just yesterday I consumed two bars of Crunchie.

*burp*

Aaargh what is wrong with me?! It's like I've become this unstoppable eating monster. All day long, it's munch munch munch. It would be fine if all I ate was, umm, celery and carrots and boiled fish (ew). But no, it's nasi goreng this, and maggi goreng that. With a side of cheesey wedges, if I'm feeling peckish.

It's okay if I'm on campus, because I at least use that energy for the marathons to class. But when I'm at home on weekends? 3 hotdogs for breakfast at 1 pm, sleep, nasi ayam for lunch at 3 pm, sleep, more nasi ayam for supper at 6 pm, sleep....

It's no wonder, this semester, I've ballooned up to 47kg again. I can feel (and see) that extra flab settling gently on my tummy. I've already shelved away my jeans in despair, resigning to the fact that I can no longer wear it without walking crab-like due to its extra-snug fit. My form-fitting baju kurungs from PJ? HAH! Yeah, I'll wear those, if I'm in the mood to flash my VPL and gain some cheap-o publicity. And there's a superficial reason I've been wearing my tudung more labuh these days. Yup, all of these are constant reminders of my current, insatiable craving for that four letter word: f-o-o-d.

Hurm. The last time I was this weight, it was during my short semester in Nilai, when I was in my crazy blogging frenzy mode. Then I went down to 43kg again throughout last semester. You see, when I'm not 47kg, I'm 43kg. And my weight depends on my level of happiness. When I'm happier, I eat more, and the digits on the kitchen scale go up. When I'm sad, I eat once a day, or not at all, and the numbers dip. So wanna know how happy I am? If you can't tell from the goofy grin on my face, fetch the scales.

So, in my roundabout way, what I'm trying to say is that, in the end, it's not how you look or how much you weigh that counts, but how happy you are. Right? :)

Though I shudder to think how I'll fit into the graduation robes when the day comes... or if the stage will even be able to handle my weight...

The Gossiping Dilemma

As you rush through the corridor to class, you catch snatches of enthusiastic chatter from the peers standing idly around you. None of it penetrates your brain -- until you hear your name being mentioned. And not in a favourable manner, either. Your heels scuff the floor as you come to a screeching halt. You glance backwards. Studiously innocent faces meet your suspicious gaze. But your ears were not playing tricks on you -- you just became the victim of a gossip session.

Aaah, Gossiping. A topic so close to home for many of us. I'll admit, nothing beats a round of gossip so juicy and fresh, you can actually savour the pulp as you gleefully devour it. Whether it takes place over a steaming styrofoam cup of teh tarik freshly brewed from A Malik Mamak Stall, or an overpriced meal at Evoke i Cafe, or an unexpected quickie when you bump into a friend on your way to next class, gossip never fails to delight, amuse and even horrify. Deep in your heart, you know it's haram to discuss the latest escapades of other people with an eagerness usually exhibited by vultures coming upon a rotten corpse, but you revel in it anyway. Call it a guilty pleasure, just like that extra box of Godiva chocolates you stow away in your underwear drawer.

But life becomes a little less rosy when you become the rotten corpse.

According to Wikipedia, "Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others". Your conscience assures you that gossip is harmless, but think again. Gossip is synonymous with backbiting, which the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary defines as an "unkind and unpleasant talk about somebody who is not present". Hmmm... doesn't sound so nice and innocent anymore, does it?

When it comes to gossiping, there are always two sides to it; the perpetrators who find it cathartic and soothing for the soul, and the victims, who either bask in the 15 minutes of fame, or take a sabbatical until the next wave of gossip puts someone else in an unfortunate light. And God forbid if you or I become the victim.

It becomes such a dilemma for some people. To gossip or not to gossip? If you choose the former, you might as well book a fireplace in hell, no matter that you perform solat 5 times a day, cover your aurah, and can quote certain verses of the Qur'an at the most convenient of times. If you choose the latter... gee, how boring would that be? Plus, does that mean every time your besties open up a fresh discussion regarding that sleaze-bag from Mass Comm class, you've got to leave the table? Might as well become a hermit and meditate on top of Mount Kinabalu, at that rate. After all, some people gossip on a daily basis -- in fact, it may be all they talk about, because to talk about their own lives would be too boring to even contemplate. And heck, gossip can even be useful. Gossip works as conversation-fillers, or a bridge connecting you to a new acquaintance. Most of all, it never fails to catch people's interest.

What do you think?

On a personal level, though, I can comfortably inform you that, yes, I have had my share of backbiters and become the victim of many gossip sessions. My roommate informed me two days ago that a friend of hers had heard from a friend who heard from a friend who heard from a friend (etc, you get my drift) that I am a boyfriend-stealer. Scandalous! Not only that, but I am a friend-backstabber, since the stolen property had my (now former) close friend's name written all over him. So! Scandalous!

One year (and a half) ago, I would have probably sobbed like a baby and started a blubbering tirade of "why me?" and "that is so not true!" and "how cruel!"

But my one year (and a half) in IIUM has hardened me. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. (Though I've learned that getting the silent treatment from your best friends can hurt like a knife running through you).

Instead, it was funny-funny and funny-weird, hearing my roommate recount to me what other people I never even knew existed were saying about me. Flattering, even, as I consider myself easily the most boring person to walk this beautiful campus. I think discussing the Kuala Terengganu by-elections would be way more interesting than discussing my life of supposed love-thievery. Especially as said love-thievery occurred months ago.

With my one year and a half experience, my advice to gossip victims out there is to shrug and laugh it off. Sure, it might mean a tarnished reputation, but you can't stop people from talking about you. Or talking, period. But if the gossip about you is really bad, the least you can do is make sure those you care about know the real story straight from you, instead of a twelfth-hand version overheard in the toilet. Don't worry: true friends will always stick by you :)

And just to clarify things: No, I haven't stolen anyone's boyfriend.

"Islam considers backbiting the equivalent of eating the flesh of one's dead brother. According to Muslims, backbiting harms its victims without offering them any chance of defence, just as dead people cannot defend against their flesh being eaten" -- dear old Wiki.

Just a random update! :D

I’m sitting here, in front of the PC, blogging for the first time in 2009, and all I can think of is…

The state of the family computer’s keyboard is just… disturbing. A lot of the letters have rubbed off after years of vigorous prodding and pressing, to the point that Aisya rewrote the letters on a paper, cut it off into tiny squares and sellotaped it to the respective keys. Not that she and I need it – after years of writing, blogging, and translating, we only look down at the keyboard out of habit – but pity the people who come over and are at a loss over the blank keys.

It’s 11 am, and I haven’t even showered yet. No, not because I’m on campus, where I’m sure you’ve heard there’s been no water for a week now, but simply because I am indulging in pure lazyness. There’s something… soothing about spending the day at home unwashed and in your pajamas all day. I know, disgusting, much? Hehehe :D

This is random, but you know what I’ve noticed regarding some of the posters around campus lately?

1) Speeling and grandmatical errors is hudge turn off. Hello, there’s a REASON MsWord underlines your words in RED and GREEN, and it’s not for decorative purposes, okay? Okay! :D

2) When you dumb down for your audience, you just end up sounding dumb. Like durrrh!

3) A lot of the posters are past their expiry dates. The HS corridors are littered with posters from LAST YEAR, people. And some of the posters are tacked over even OLDER ones. Gargh the horror. Naz and I spent a very cathartic night ripping a whole bunch off because we are so obviously OCD :D

4) A lot of the posters are just boring, plain text. Why not come up with something that evokes the senses?

Okay, I can actually come up with a lot more, but my short attention span is already wavering, and I’m going cross-eyed due to lack of food. ME HUNGRY. What’s for breakfast? Oooh… Pancakes dripping in honey again. Nice to take a break from what I always have on campus; oily, heart-attack-inducing, vein-clogging, aromatic Roti Canai. Yummmm…. Cheap, too. *smiles blissfully*

Okay, enough with the crapping. I’ve a few things to iron out. To those of you who’ve been coming here regularly, expecting something fresh, I’m sorry. I’ve been taking a hiatus from blogging since December 4, not because it was something I planned, but because, sometimes, I feel that life is too full to be spent in front of a PC. All I can say is that I’m nowhere as idle as I was last semester :D

Another thing; I lost my phone at KLCC, aka The Land Of Sin, a couple weeks back when I was lounging around the park benches. Stupid of me to put the phone in a compartment of my bag that CANNOT SHUT, but what’s done is done. So I lost my old phone, my contacts list, and my Maxis sim card. Since no one apart from family and a few others know the number I am using now, I am virtually uncontactable, unless you bump into me face to face. If you do, remind me that we don’t have each other’s numbers. Thanks! Much love.

Okay, I really, very badly need a shower right now. Catch you later!

PS: The convenience store in the square in front of the Masjid has a poster announcing the sale of Mawi and Ekin love diaries. OMG, does anyone actually BUY those kinds of things??? 8-O

PPS: I’m not joining any clubs or societies this semester, because, in the words of Saraa, I want to be an anarchist. (Insert anti-government/SRC/IIUM's administration/Israel spiel here)