But then, Nazriq's geekiness over poems has been really contagious, so when history class became too boring for words, I decided to try my hand at something I've never done before. And man, I never knew creating poetry could be so cathartic! :D
This following poem is an outlet of some long repressed anger which has been magnified like mad in the name of poetic license. I hope you like this darker side of me ;-)
You are a vile creature of consumption
Feasting on wrath
Vomiting lies
Bloated with despondency
You worship at the altar of deception
Prostrate before the gods of war, hatred and cruelty
Sacrificing goodness, peace and sanity
Summoning the savage demon that lies within you
Your growing thirst for conflict
Brews goblets brimming with poison
Gushing forth from barrels of unbridled fury
Stirred deeply from roots of antagonism
As you reign behind thick castle walls
The ignorant pagans surrounding you
Are but expendable pawns lined neatly for slaughter
In a game of kings and queens corrupt
With your intoxication spilling over
And your sovereignty left unchecked
Your reason slowly shatters apart
Paving way for madness and death
The final death is your innocence
Marking the ultimate birth of your demon
Awakening cruelty of inhumane proportions
That alas is directed at me.
12 comments:
good move... but i think your logic thinking has narrow your expression in structuring the sentence.
weak in rythm... i think...
the 1st line didnt capture to hold the reader to read further...
but you vocabs writer. Thats good. Just maybe this is your 1st time.
Poem doesnt need to be so straight... you can "dance with line"
:=)
really. i think i need the dictionary.
my vocab knowledge isn't that vast ;)
My my, I'm sure you've got something to say through those lines. But too bad, I'm not in the mood of deciphering any not-straight-forward things...too tired maah hahaha :D
anyway, yeah, you got loads of vocabs I need to open dictionary to get acquainted to. Of course, I am lazy to do that as well hahaha :D
anyway, keep 'em coming.
sorry... your choice of words = far too cliché..
a poem need not have bombastic words -- esp not in every line. just because you can (or in this case, know a lot of big words) doesn't mean you should.
then again, it's your first. "firsts" are always awkward.. *ahem*
oh shit.. 1 april.. was that an april fool's post? and i just commented on your choice of words..
i suck at poems. reading and understanding them. coming up with them? i'd die a million times before i could come up with one. heh.
check what cliche means befre you use the word cliche.
i think it's rather good.
haha but i have yet to analyse it properly.
the words aren't bombastic at all actually. of course, they actually would be to a person who's not used to english.
:)
Lol. The most cliched word is 'cliche'.
All my life, I've heard people say:
Poems are cliche.
Rhymes are cliche.
Rhythms are cliche.
Emotions are cliche.
Stanzas are cliche.
Words are cliche.
Metaphors are cliche.
It's to the point that being different is cliche.
And while we're at it, blogs are cliche.
Being anonymous is cliche.
Swearing is cliche.
And I could go on and on :-)
So to say something is cliche, is, in fact, cliche itself, and rather pointless as well, for we live in a world of cliches.
long live cliches!!
Sounds like you were trying too hard to put in as many bombastic words as you could. Don't understand half of 'em.
But I never did enjoy poetry anyway. I lost interest by the time i reached high school. Poems like 'What do you do, when it's dark and you need to go to the loo?', 'This morning my dad shouted', 'Mandy loves the mud' were my faves back then. Oh, I miss that book of poems! Dunno where it's gone.
Back to my point. Well, yeah, there's no right or wrong to poetry. Right?
I really like your poem as it is pervaded with fuming and strong emotion. By the way, poetry doesn't have to be rhythmic. Plus, her poem is a free-verse form. In my opinion, rhyming scheme is sometimes acted as a confinement in releasing the true surge of emotions.
Message for commentators: that's her poem, her freedom to vent, her sanctum. Poetry is a journey of emotions,the seething cauldron of sentiments,indignation and etc. Very good and well done. :D keep writing..
i agree with mdm zakiah in a way..
you just have to get your freak on anisah.. and i know just the person to help you lolol
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