‘Hi. Boleh saya berkenalan?’

I get hives every time I see those words on my friendster comment box, or message inbox.

The word berkenalan (which can be translated to 'get to know') freezes my brain and just turns me off that guy (and it’s always a guy) forever.

Usually, that sentence is followed with a universiti mana? Ambik kos apa? (What university? What course do you take?)

My reply is short and precise. UIA. Human Sciences.

Then I hit the send button and hope he won’t reply, as I never asked him anything.

What is so terrible about the nak berkenalan line? Well, first of all, it screams of gatal pick-up line. And then there’s the fact that it’s the most cliched line EVER.

Guys, here’s a tip; when approaching a girl, don’t even contemplate using the berkenalan line, followed up by two or three questions. You come off sounding gatal and downright boring. I mean, come on, there are so many ways to get to know a girl without having to use that word.

I once received a message on Friendster from a guy which kind of impressed me. He never once mentioned the berkenalan line, but actually wrote engagingly, making joking comments about what I wrote on my profile, and stuff related to university (good ploy – pointing out what we had in common). What’s important was that his message had content. It didn’t comprise of literally 2 questions.

Today, I suddenly received a text message that said:

Hi! Boleh berkenalan? 

Even though the rational part of me was screaming to not reply, I replied anyway. Call me curious.

Siapa ni?
Saya [censored] Awak siapa?

La… awak tak kenal saya? Kalau macam tu, macam mana awak dapat nombor ni? Kenapa nak berkenalan dengan saya? Entah2 saya ni datuk berumur 72 tahun dengan 4 isteri muda.
Takkan awak ni lelaki kot… awak tinggal kat mana..? Takkan awak tak sudi kawan dengan saya kot..?

 Subtle. Really subtle.

Kan saya dah cakap, saya ni datuk dengan 4 isteri muda, 12 anak, dan 32 cucu? Budak2 zaman sekarang… macam mana awak dapat nombor ni?

Sampai hati awak, cakap macam tu kat saya! Awak ni baik ke jahat…? Kenapa awak tipu saya... Awak2, kalau saya panggil awak sayang awak marah tak..?

Sayang?!?! What the hell?

Saya jahat sebab saya tak kenal awak. Tapi saya baik sebab saya masih layan awak. Macam mana dapat nombor ni? Saya tahu sebenarnya mesti awak kenal saya, kan?

 I mean, really. Obviously he did. Otherwise, why so insistent?

Alah, jgn la marah sayang.. awak tak bagitau saya awak duduk kat mana dengan awak tipukan saya tadikan? Umur awak berapa?

This is the part when I got fed up.

You expect me to answer that, when I have no idea who you are? You won’t tell me how you got my number. Fine. Goodbye.

I deleted the next message he sent, as, thanks to my crappy phone, I only got half of it. But basically he admitted he got it from a friend of mine. And he admired my English. Where did I study to learn such English? Instead of replying, I fell asleep.

While sleeping, he sent me 2 more messages.

Alah, sayang, takkan merajuk kot… awak sayang kat saya tak..? Saya tau awak ni, baik…

One hour later…

Hai, tgh buat apa tu..? Klu awak asyik marah saya je, mcm mana awak nak kenal saya…! Awak ddk kat mana..?

Making the first move is one thing. Being downright gatal and creepy? Is another.

A Guide for Guys: What to avoid when trying to win over the girl you like

A friend of mine once sent a very random text message to me the night before my Understanding Islam exam.

He wrote:

What makes a woman tick? I want to know all their weak spots

Or something like that. I know it was longer and more eloquent. (If you’re reading this, as I told you to, you can correct me if you want.)

And so, I spent the rest of the night sending him text messages on anything I could think of pertaining women and what they want from men… and totally neglecting my revision.

That was last month. However, recent incidents have made me realise that some guys do not have a clue when it comes to winning girls over. They make the most serious mistakes, but have no idea they’re doing it.

And so, here I am, Anisah Shurfa, ready to give you some handy tips on what to avoid doing when trying to win over the girl you like (or love)! Keep in mind that this does not refer to those who are already in a relationship – that is another topic entirely as you’ve obviously won her over already.

*Disclaimer*Disclaimer*Disclaimer*

HOWEVER, this is strictly my opinion only. Some girls may have different sentiments entirely. (But I don’t think so.)

*End of Disclaimer*

Okay, enough of that. Let’s get to the meat, shall we?

1. AVOID obtaining her number from other people.
This is a big no-no for some girls, but others may not mind. A girl’s number is the key to interacting with her whenever and wherever you want. If you get her number without her consent, well, it’s basically stealing.

And anyway, girls prefer guys who make the first move. You ask her for her number, she’ll appreciate your courage, and be flattered at the same time (exception being if she already hates you or thinks you’re just being gatal).

Asking for her number is the initial step in forming a connection with her. Don’t mess it up.

2. AVOID telling her you love her that way before The Right Time.
Let your Friendship Grow First. This is important as Friendship is the foundation of a good relationship.

However, don’t think that once she officially calls you her friend, you can tell her that you love her. She’ll be flattered at first, then freaked out because what she probably wanted from you in the first place was Just Friendship.

So when is the right time to tell your friend that you love her as, well, more than a friend? Unfortunately, I don’t have the answer to that. You just have to keep your eyes and ears wide open for the signs that she wants more than a friendship. If you work hard enough, that time will hopefully come.

3. AVOID sending her text messages or calling her every single day.
Show some dignity, for God’s sake! No girl likes a guy who seems too eager, or is Trying Too Hard (TTH is one of the biggest turn-offs). There’s such a thing as over-exposure. You’re a friend, not her boyfriend (yet), and certainly you don't want to start coming off as a creepy stalker.

Call or send her messages from time to time to show that you care, or if you have something really interesting or important to say/ask, but don’t do it until she gets sick of seeing your name light up on the screen of her phone.

However, DO DO DO reply her whenever she messages you to show that you’re always there for her.

4. AVOID demanding for attention
NEVER EVER demand more attention from her. I mean it. There is, I think, no other sure-fire way to push her away than telling her she doesn’t give you enough attention. Why? Because she is not your girlfriend. She is not Exclusively Yours. If you do that, she will feel you are overstepping yourself.

This can be related to text messages. Stop agonising; there are only 3 reasons why she didn’t reply your message; She has no credit, She can’t be bothered to reply back, or She doesn’t think your message needs any reply. No matter what the reason, she can’t or won’t reply you. So, refrain from the urge to send another message, asking why she didn’t reply, or telling her you assumed she’d reply. For the former, I’ve already given you the answer. For the latter, it might sound like you’re trying to make her feel guilty (even if that isn’t your intention at all). That’s called manipulation. And I don’t need to tell you that girls do not appreciate it when they think they are being manipulated.

5. AVOID promoting yourself.
Please. I’m begging you. Don’t tell her you’re a fabulous, sensitive, caring, loving [INSERT SYNONYM HERE] guy. You’ll just come off as someone who’s perasan (full of himself) if you do. If you really, truly are all those mentioned above, there is no need to tell her; she’ll figure that out for herself. If you actually HAVE to tell her, than obviously you’re not as great as you think.

Keep in mind that you are not a product in the supermarket; you do not have to tell her how special you are compared to the other items, you should not tell her that she really ought to put you at the top of her shopping list, never dare her to find another product that can do what you (claim) you do.

So there you have it. The 5 Avoids. I really hope this helps you in your (lack of) love life!

So feel free to ask any questions, or express your own views ;-)